By seeking to understand and accept his anger, rather than fix or suppress it, he began to improve his marriage by recognizing his anger as a signal for a need-a need to set healthy boundaries for what he would and would not do.ĭave’s story points out an important concept. Instead, he felt like his wife was placing impossible demands on him. As he worked on discovering his dreams within conflict and started noticing the space between his anger and his actions, he opened up the door into a profound realization. He didn’t like his reactions, but he felt he couldn’t help it. When his wife would make a request of him, he would criticize her. It’s easy to see a person’s anger, but it can be difficult to see the underlying feelings the anger is protecting.įor example, Dave believed he had an anger problem. Similarly, when we’re angry, there can be other emotions hidden beneath the surface.
Most of an iceberg is hidden below the surface of the water. If you’re unsure of why you’re feeling angry, try thinking of anger like an iceberg. In this way, anger is ingrained into our brain to protect us. Our heart rate speeds up, and a rush of hormones-including adrenaline-creates a surge of energy strong enough to take “vigorous action.” In his book “Emotional Intelligence,” Goleman tells us that anger causes blood to flow to our hands, making it easier for us to strike an enemy or hold a weapon. Image Inspired by the Creative Play TherapistĪccording to psychologist Daniel Goleman, “emotions are, in essence, impulses to act, the instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us.”
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